Firsts
by Kitsune Krazy
Summary: A collection of oneshots following Dib and Zim through all their firsts. Starts as T but will go up to M ZADR


**_First Kiss_**

It had been a few years since Earth's one and only Irken Elite had arrived on the planet. Four to be precise, and as the earth year drew to a close it was bound to be five - but that wasn't what Dib was concerned about.

No.

Dib was thinking about something even more memorable than the little alien's arrival- another even more precious date that was soon to be upon him.

Zim and Dib's anniversary.

After the third year of Zim's stay, he had approached Dib having had enough of his own insane theories to crave the truth.

Zim hadn't know what 'the holidays' were. He knew people somehow became infested with a ridiculous amount of cheer and, after the robot Santa fiasco; he had been more than willing to just accept it was some stupid human thing.

That or some form of earthen mind control.

However, on that particular year the smaller boy had noticed his rival sitting alone on a bench surrounded by the frozen equivalent of the planet's disgusting water supply.

Zim just assumed that Dib was immune to the mind control or was above human rituals, as the wannabe investigator was the only one who saw the alien as what he really was.

When Zim broached the subject and found that he was, yet again, wrong in his insane theories of worm-baby culture, he demanded that Dib thoroughly explain the subject. Dib, who had just gotten in a huge fight with his father and was busy trying to sort out if it was worth legally separating by his sixteenth birthday, willingly left his dark thoughts in exchange for what promised to be a fun and interesting evening with his best friend and rival.

He'd taken Zim all around, pointing out decorations and explaining myths behind the legendary Santa and what the holidays were supposedly all about. He had been doing fine answering the Irken Elite's endless storm of questions until he'd pointed out one particular piece of décor.

"_What is that?" Zim narrowed his eyes and pointed one gloved claw up at the offending object._

"_Huh?" Dib looked up to see a merry little plant with shiny green leaves and white berries. _

_Mistletoe. _

"_Oh…uh, it's stupid really and it's kinda hard to explain." He waved it off quickly, not a fan of the thing and disliking it even more now that Zim had pointed it out. _

"_Show Zim then." The stubborn invader demanded._

"_What?" A rainbow of reds crossed the pale teen's high cheeks; he was scarcely able to believe what Zim had just asked him to do. Then again, it wasn't like the Irken knew he was asking to be kissed…_

"_If you have no words for this ritual, then show me – Perform it on Zim." Zim repeated, speaking slowly, he used a tone that suggested he was talking to mentally disabled Irken who had just asked what a Pak was for. _

"_Um…ok…" Dib shifted uncomfortably, biting his lip slightly, "Close your eyes."_

"_Do not tell Zim what to do smelly dirt child!" Zim placed his hands on his hips defiantly, not understanding the human's shift in mood. "You will show Zim _now_ and I will not take my eyes off you- do not think Zim does not know your tricks Dib-beast."_

_Dib blushed and nervously flicked the mistletoe with his hand, "Well… uh…" thinking quickly, he spouted out, "You wanted me to show you human traditions, right? Well it's traditional to close your eyes for this…uh…occasion." _

_The little alien narrowed his claret orbs just slightly before he obliged, folding his hands behind his back. "This better be good, Dib-thing." He said cutting off his sentence with a small, irritated noise._

"_Hopefully…" The taller boy murmured in response, too quiet for the Irken to hear. _

_Embarrassed, Din ran a hand through his silky, ebony locks, licking his lips quickly. He took one deep breath, pursed his lips and leaned in before he could lose his nerve. _

_Warmth bloomed across his lips and the subtle flavor of Zim seeped across the intimate contact. Unlike what Dib had expected, the harsh, thin lips he was so used to hearing curses and insults form were deceptively soft. Startled, and mortified that he'd kissed his enemy, the teen pulled back quickly and looked away, his back ramrod straight and heat flushed his cheeks._

"_So… uh… that's what mistletoe is for…" He murmured lamely, running a hand through his hair. _

_Zim, startled by the sudden contact and loss of it, looked towards the human in confusion. He wondered if that was a 'kiss' and, if so, what breed it was. He touched his lips, still feeling an odd tingling sensation that Dib's saliva had left and finding it fairly pleasant. Unlike Dib, who was so red in the face he looked like a tomato, the Irken was still unsure what the mistletoe did. Curious he decided to ask if that was its only purpose. _

"_This is done whenever two creature stand under this plant?" He asked, gesturing at the green leaves and ivory berries above them._

"_Well… um… yes and no…" Dib looked away from Zim and quickly wiped off his glasses, which had fogged up much to his humiliation- still in disbelief that he'd dare to show the alien such affection._

_Unbeknownst to his smaller counterpart, Dib had grown quiet the crush since he realized how empty his life had been the week he'd stopped chasing the extraterrestrial to study 'real science' and wanted nothing more than to drop the perilous subject – let alone be reminded that, in his haste, he'd forgotten that people who were only friends simply hugged. He really, _really _did not want to explain to Zim that what he'd just done was a gesture shared between lovers only. Unfortunately, Zim would have none of his vague answers. _

"_Not yes and no Dib-smell. Pick one, tell me." Zim narrowed his ruby eyes and waited expectantly._

_That was when his strange little human friend could take no more and decided to flee. _

_That night, the curious green male decided to find his answers on his own and went to the human's intelligence facilities. After learning the true nature behind the ritual, the obstinate alien had spent a few hours denying it even happened before he went to confront the Dib human. _

_Quietly, Zim stole away into the night, slipping through Dib's window. He wanted to make absolutely certain he would get an answer this time and that the paranormal investigator couldn't run away. He woke up his rival and demanded to know exactly what had happened that afternoon._

_Mortified, but unable to see any other way out, Dib confessed his feelings towards the alien, trying to make it sound as un-pathetic and sappy as humanly possible without lessening the overall message. After hearing this Zim launched into a monologue that it was obvious Dib would fall for his awesome superior-ness until the teen finally shut him up by claiming his mouth in another kiss. Contrary to Dib's belief, Zim did not push him away and instead deepened the kiss. The two of them spent the night next to each other talking in whispers and the rest was history. _

Dib smiled a little at the memory. It was on the day following that the two became an 'official' couple and had gone on a date hunting were-weasels.

Soon after, the two had moved in together – Dib coming to live with his insane boyfriend to his escape his less insane but less tolerable father. Those days had been pure bliss for Dib and, despite the fact his new alien lover still refused to let him in the lower levels of his base, he'd never been happier.

Not that Dib didn't complain about it every once in awhile.

In the beginning, the rules of where he was allowed in their joint house annoyed him but he soon came to accept it as a safety rule rather than lack of trust as Zim always seemed to have some devious creature on the loose down there despite the fact he no longer attempted to take over the world. Whenever Dib broached the subject, Zim would loftily say something about boredom and banishment as an excuse for continuing his odd and unnerving experiments as well as why he no longer tried to put them in use (though occasionally they were used to hunt down paranormal creatures that sparked interest).

Yup.

Just your normal, everyday lover's life.

Except…

They'd been together for over a year now… and they'd never had sex.

Worse than never having sex, aside from a little nipple/antenna play they never even crossed first base.

Naturally, Dib was a little bit worried.

He _knew_ a relationship with an alien wouldn't be measured by normal standards, but he was hoping it would at least be similar on _some _level. Unfortunately, there seemed to be a huge gap between the two that both were too embarrassed to breech.

After all, how awkward would it be to get that far in the game only to find you had _no_ idea how to play?

Dib sighed and ran his hand over the grey mantle just under Zim's prized green monkey portrait. Much to his disappointment, he'd found that a large amount of green, purples and reds were necessities inside Irken homes. Whether that be because of skin tones, previous Tallests, or some alien equivalent to feng shui Dib wasn't sure, all he knew was that Zim positively refused to get rid of the disgusting painting-or change any of the décor for that matter- unless Dib could come up with a suitable substitute that kept his scared color palette.

He let his fingers dip over an old picture of himself, Zim and Gir before Zim had deactivated the small robot. It was still a very sketchy subject in the household as to why Zim had done it – the topic untouchable as the mere mention of his former minion sent the invader into a rage. The last time Dib had asked, Zim almost took his eye out before retreating into his lab for an immeasurable amount of time.

Yet another sigh left the teens mouth – there was so much he still didn't know about the Irken. He feared that sex was some sort of emotional barrier Zim had erected rather than a cultural one. He really hoped not but then again maybe that would be best. If it was cultural rather than emotional, Dib might have to wait a thousand Moon-turns or something else equally crazy before they could 'officially' do anything. Maybe it was even religious…

_No that's not it…_Dib couldn't deny that their lack of sexual intimacy was partially his fault. In truth, Dib was terrified. First off, Zim was a male – which would already be scary enough as Dib's father's birds and genetically modified bees talk only covered male and _female_ relationships but Zim was also an _alien_.

"Argh! Why is this so complicated?" Frustrated, Dib smacked his head into the mantle in an attempt to clear his head but only managed to gain a throbbing pain in his temples.

"What are you _doing_?" Dib spun around to find Zim, who, at a lack for words, decided to just question his lover's curious behavior and raise an eye ridge.

"Z-Zim!" Startled the pale teen's eyes darted about quickly for some for of explanation before he blurted, "I was just talking to the monkey." He gestured behind himself wildly mentally chiding his idiotic response.

Zim took a step to the side to get a better view of the painting in question before asking Dib slowly, and with some level of concern, "You do realize that the monkey will not respond to your pathetic questions, yes?"

"Oh… uh, yea…" Dib quickly slammed down the photo he'd been looking at, knowing that Zim would shut down again if he was seen looking at it. The fact that Zim avoided it yet kept it nearby and it pained Dib- he wanted to ask about it- but he knew it was pointless.

"Hm…" Zim stepped forward and touched the tip of Dib's earlobe, one of the many odd fascinations the alien seemed to have with Dib's body. "Winter rituals are approaching…" He said absently, gently kneading the flesh. "What are we doing?"

"Ah…" Unconsciously, the taller male leaned into the Irken's touch. "I was kinda hoping we could do something more… um… personal…"

"Personal?" Zim asked suspiciously, placing a hand of Dib's shirt and lightly raking a claw over the tiny concealed nubs of skin beneath. He leaned in and caught the tip of Dib's strange hearing organ in his mouth, savoring the flavor and tracing the shell of it with his ridged tounge. "How personal?" He breathed.

Dib shuddered and in that moment it was a little hard for him to think why he was so upset about a lack of intercourse when this in itself felt so good. "Um…" He emitted a low hum, unable to process the Irken's question at the moment. Zim chuckled and wrapped his arms around Dib's waist, gently raking his claws over the covered back. In response Dib gently nipped at one of the stalks on the aliens head, his actions rewarded with a soft chirp, before he managed to stop himself.

"Zim." The pale teen slowly unwound himself from his lovers grip, gently pulling his hands away from his waist and capturing them within his own. Dib turned his liquid honey orbs onto his partner's large claret ones. "I…" He faltered slightly before continuing, "Why haven't we had sex yet?"

The second those words left his lips, Dib regretted it. He bit his lip to hide his embarrassment, letting his gaze drop and sincerely hoping he didn't sound like a total asshole. It wasn't exactly the lack of sex that freaked him out, more what it meant. Dib was afraid that Zim had chosen him only because he was the most tolerable choice. Dib was much to shy to straight out ask what the alien felt and thought, that the emotions would be more easily conveyed if they were to make love.

Zim blinked. He blinked several times then clicked his antenna together and stared at Dib as if he had grown a second head.

The human was actually asking _him_ why they hadn't engaged in the mating rituals? The Dib-thing's stupid human rituals were preventing them! If it had been up to the amazing Zim, they would've had it that very night when the Dib-let proclaimed his 'lurv'. However, the invader had, for once, respected the earth customs for his boyfriend's sake. He'd spent countless hours researching to find that, not only was it customary to do 'the dating' and play tonsil hokey, humans were not to officially mate until they'd reached 18. In fact, the age limit wasn't just ritual, it was _law_. Some humans even waited until the night of their mating ceremony. And yet Dib was asking _him_ why they hadn't mated? After he'd spent a year trying to respect the human and holding himself back from marking him? Dib was essentially telling him it was pointless!

The boy in question wasn't sure how to gauge his lover's expression, watching a blank expression cross Zim's face and not at all familiar with the notion of him clicking his stalks at him like that. He did, however, notice as the aliens face went from a stricken expression to menacing.

Zim exploded, grabbing Dib by the collar, "Are you actually telling me that all _this_ was just a waste of Zim's precious time?" He angrily gestured around the room, to the signs of their joint life. Several pictures, odd experiments and an odd patch of blue Dib had painted to annoy the Irken. "What, is courtship _optional _on your planet? What about that fucking law? Are you actually accusing the almighty Zim of ruining your pathetic mating rituals!" He made an irritated noise that startled his human, the gritty popping sound jarring the teen's nerves. "Forget it." He growled, turning away from Dib and crossing his arms.

"Whoa, calm down. What la-" Dib took it the alien's expression and felt a pang of guilt, his sentence dying on his tounge. Zim was obviously putting a lot more effort into them than he'd thought, the invader obviously had taken some time to look up dating and topic of the like, for he was obviously referring to the law that minors were forbidden to engage in sex. While the vast majority of teens ignored this, Zim couldn't possibly have known how little weight the rule had and had taken it seriously. Despite the situation, Dib couldn't help a little chuckle as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.

Zim stiffened and tried to pull away, "Do not laugh at Zim!"

"I'm no laughing at _you._" Dib reassured him, "Just… you're cute." He said simply, causing Zim's face to molt a violent shade of violet. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were trying so hard – I was afraid you'd lost interest in me."

"Please." Zim snorted, "If I'd lost interest you would be dead."

The teen rolled his eyes, knowing the threat held little merit.

They stayed locked together for a few moments, happy as they were.

Finally, Zim broke the silence, "Well?" he asked.

"Well what?" Dib countered.

The invader turned slightly in his lover's arms so he could see the playful little smirk on his lips. "Bedroom?"

**Haha, I love how this turned out. I was going to make this ridiculously long – like 8+ pages and go through their first time but I didn't want to rush it so I decided to make this a bunch of oneshots going through all their 'firsts'. I kno this one didn't really focus on it, but it goes over their first kiss so I just called the chappie that cuz i ran out of stupid titles, lol. Anyway, hope you liked and if so plz review- I do so love our chats darling~!**


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